AJ Ray's Imagination

As I enter the last months living in New York, I want to take the time to reflect on my time here. The nights of waking up wondering where I am have started. They will continue until I’m in my car on my way back to California.

The first time I visited New York was August 2017. I was 27 and always dreamed about visiting that big scary city. My friend Chris from work offered his place to me, the ticket purchased, and the rest was history. Or so I thought in the shining moment of my ticket’s confirmation email. Bum bum buuuuummm…. About two weeks before I was supposed to fly out, I got an unpleasant call from my dad that my mom’s stomach endoscopy found a tumor and an ulcer. We didn’t know the tumor’s status, and he “wasn’t able” to tell my sister, so I had to make the first of many unpleasant phone calls. But why think about that when I can run away to New York for a weekend?

So run away I did, off to New York to not think about the tumor in my mom’s stomach and to live a weekend in a New York fantasy. It was an overwhelming and overstimulating experience. So many people and noises everywhere. Chris and Avi’s apartment was on the Upper East Side (UES) on the second floor. It was the first (of many) times that I experienced stereotypical New York things such as

• Not knowing how to finagle a pre-war walkup door open
• Being inside at 10AM yet experiencing no direct sunlight
• Times Square at night (my opinion on this as changed)
• Eating pizza past midnight
• Learning the intricacies of apartment hunting (for Chris and Avi)
• Not paying for the Met

It was truly a needed trip and unforgettable experience that sowed the seed of big city living into my heart. Sure, my mom’s health certainly colored that opinion. What is life if not adding colors into your palette, not matter how dark they are? While my first time in New York was exciting and new, it was time to go back to my new reality of hospitals, knowing what a TPN is, and unfortunately, a lot of unhealthy coping.